Written By My Mother for My Brother

My Son's Eulogy by Patricia A Guagenti- Auvil

My son hated to see me cry. Whenever I did, he would say please mommy don't cry, I'm sorry, It's okay. Even if he didn't do anything wrong.
He was the most amazing boy, but he could never see it. If I had been in Iraq with him, I would have wanted to be his best friend. If I was a girl in high school with him, I would have been crazy in love with him. He felt undeserving and unworthy. He felt he was ordinary. Well, my love you were anything but ordinary.
In that one moment, that one brief moment, he couldn't find the light anymore. He just couldn't make it through one more day. I can't be angry at him for doing what he did. I'm grateful for the time he gave me, his father, his sister, his brother and all of his family. I'm grateful today that my son isn't tormented by his mind and the pain in his heart. So I ask you not to be angry and know that today he is at peace.
So whether it's a month from now or a year. Whenever you smell patchouli, hear a Sublime song, or see a really good looking guy in a hat, think of my boy and smile.
Well my love, my amazing, amazing boy, I put my big girl panties on and kept my shit together. I hope you're proud of me, because I sure as shit was proud of you.