"What happens in the "My Child is Dead" club should be known by everyone in the Universe. This is not fight club. This is I can't believe I'm living this nightmare club.
The club shouldn't be a secret. It shouldn't be hush-hush. It should be talked about, shared, supported and know across the land. We are hurting. We need love. Understanding. Non-judgmental and unconditional support. We need to be listened to, not told what to do or how to feel. We need time. We need tissues. We don't need to eat, sleep, 'get over it' or 'move on'. We don't need to hear how much better off they are, how it was somehow for the best or at least they didn't suffer or are no longer suffering. WE are suffering. WE are hurt. WE need to walk our own road, at our own pace, in our own way. WE will never, ever be the same. We are not bad, stupid or neglectful parents. We are parents who loved our children and now they are gone. Time may heal, but it doesn't cure.
Joining a club is typically a positive experience, one made voluntarily and with great enthusiasm for the subject. Not so with our club. We are a unique group. We are the club no one ever wants to belong to. We are the person you never want to be. We are the person some of you can't handle being around, because we 'bring you down'. Because YOU can't deal with our pain. We have no choice. We are parents who've had to bury our own children. We didn't expect to join this club and we are beyond ticked that we had no choice but to become a part of it.
So, what is the club like? It's a living hell. You've not known pain until you've held your dead child. Until you've seen their tiny lifeless body in a casket. Until you've attended their funeral, buried them and came home without them. You can never, ever know what it's like unless you've experienced it. Don't ever pretend to *know* what it's like. Don't ever say you understand how that person feels unless you've lost a child yourself. Even then, your experiences and feelings could be very different. That which comforted you may not provide any comfort and in fact may anger another person. Please think before you speak.
There are certain 'trigger days' when you can expect a resurgence of emotion. They are the difficult days. Today I had one of these "trigger days" I could barely stand, think or move. But I AM allowed this time.
Joining a club is typically a positive experience, one made voluntarily and with great enthusiasm for the subject. Not so with our club. We are a unique group. We are the club no one ever wants to belong to. We are the person you never want to be. We are the person some of you can't handle being around, because we 'bring you down'. Because YOU can't deal with our pain. We have no choice. We are parents who've had to bury our own children. We didn't expect to join this club and we are beyond ticked that we had no choice but to become a part of it.
So, what is the club like? It's a living hell. You've not known pain until you've held your dead child. Until you've seen their tiny lifeless body in a casket. Until you've attended their funeral, buried them and came home without them. You can never, ever know what it's like unless you've experienced it. Don't ever pretend to *know* what it's like. Don't ever say you understand how that person feels unless you've lost a child yourself. Even then, your experiences and feelings could be very different. That which comforted you may not provide any comfort and in fact may anger another person. Please think before you speak.
There are certain 'trigger days' when you can expect a resurgence of emotion. They are the difficult days. Today I had one of these "trigger days" I could barely stand, think or move. But I AM allowed this time.
I have not walked in your shoes but my heart feels your pain in my way. My worse fear is losing my children. When I first found out about baby loss I was surprised by how naive I was. I had no idea about the baby loss in our world. They don't talk about it on the news. I wanted to shot it from the rooftops. I wrote to Oprah several times. This was big news and people needed to know how to treat those who were suffering this loss. ((HUGS))
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