I went to physical therapy and I did what he said. I only felt relief while I was there. In December, I got really frustrated. It had been about a month after the physical therapy began and they said I would see results after 10-12 sessions and he would re-evaluate me at session 14. It was session 12 and I felt nothing. Only relief when I was there. I told him I was pissed I was still hurting my right shoulder felt like it was getting worse and I was starting to have back spasms. He then gave me Flexeril and Ultram and also Savella because he was starting to think I had fibromyalgia. I never once felt the Ultram ever take my pain away. Ibuprofen, acetaminophen, aspirin, nothing was taking this pain away. My husband had left over Vicodin from his cortisone shot in his arm and I took that. Finally I had relief, but go figure. It was Vicodin. Duh.
I still wasn't feeling any better. I decided to make up an excuse that work was busy and I couldn't come in for physical therapy anymore. I decided to go see a orthopedist.
I made the appointment and I was seen the last week in December. They did x-rays and a blood test, something the physical therapist never did. My doctor said that I have severe compression in my lower lumbar region which explains why when I move certain ways, I can feel it in my nerves in my spine. It is so unbearable. Basically all my vertebrae is compressed into one another. He said it looks like an injury, but I have no idea how it would have happened. He also said I have a 2 inch gap in the middle of spine and apparently that happened during growth development. He also said my neck is a bit swollen and and stiff. He diagnosed the compression as spondylosis. He prescribed me Cymbalta and Neurontin as well as Vicodin. I went back two weeks later to review my blood work and that was perfect. He then told me he contact insurance and try to get me in for an MRI but he really things I have fibromyalgia.
My insurance denied my MRI request because of lack of evidence of nerve damage. I can't be sure if the Cymbalta is working yet. I am just in SO much pain. I cannot convey how much pain I am in to people. I can't sit or stand very long. I get tired of holding my head up. My shoulder blades ache, sting, and burn. If I turn my lower back in certain directions, it just pulls in a bad way. My entire back, from the top of my shoulders to the bottom lower lumbar region, just HURTS. Massages are temporary, heat pads are temporary, ice is temporary, Vicodin is temporary. It's all temporary.
I am not sure what I have to do to get the doctors to understand how much pain I am in. I mean, there is this spot in my shoulder where if you press on it, I scream bloody murder. Was is that about? So I have had these issues for nearly 4 months now. I didn't ask for these issues. I didn't ask for this pain. All I was trying to do was lose weight and be healthy. So basically I get punished for trying to be healthy by being in physical pain. That is how I feel. And I feel like since I am not on crutches or wearing ace bandages, no one sees I am in pain so I get dismissed quite often. The truth is, I am in pain and I hurt.
It hurts even more when people say I have a lot wrong with me. Yes, people actually say that. My FRIENDS and my HUSBAND have said that. My husband has stopped saying it since he realized how much it hurts. But to be told that there are a lot of things wrong with you or I go to the doctor a lot, or I am always on some sort of medication or for being so young, I have so many problems. These words mess with your damn head. I literally have a complex now. I am crying typing this. But since I was 19, I have always had something wrong with me. I DID NOT choose this life. I did not ask God to give me these hurdles, but he did. It is not fair for people to torture me with their words and say these things to me. I get really irritated that people see me as a problem. I wish they knew that they have the problem by being so bitchy and saying hurtful words. I want to live. I want to be here. I am not a problem, I do not have a problem. God apparently loves me very much and is making me as tough as he can. I am doing the best I can with the life I was given. I will be damned if people won't see I am trying my hardest to fix my medical problems and find answers. So basically, people need to THINK before they speak. Words hurt. They can scar you forever.
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